Do Pets Grieve

What many people find hard to believe is that animals can form very firm attachments with each other. Even pets that outwardly seem to barely get along will exhibit intense stress reactions when separated. In fact, grieving pets can show many symptoms identical to those experienced by the bereaved pet owner. The surviving pet(s) may become restless, anxious and depressed. There may also be much sighing, along with sleep and eating disturbances. Often, grieving pets will search for their dead companions and crave more attention from their owners.

How can an owner help the grieving pet? By following the following recommendations:

  1. Keep the surviving pet(s) routines as normal as possible.
  2. Try not to unintentionally reinforce the behavior changes. - if the pet's appetite is picky, don't keep changing the food. All that does is create a more finicky pet. - don't overdo the attention given to the pet(s) as it can lead to separation anxiety.
  3. Allow the surviving animals to work out the new dominance hierarchy themselves. - there may be scuffles and fights as the animals work out the new pecking order (dogs mostly)
  4. Don't get a new pet to help the grieving pet(s) unless the owner is ready. - will backfire unless the owner is emotionally ready for a new pet. - people still grieving won't have the energy for it.

Should the owner let the surviving animals see and smell their dead companion? There is no evidence that doing so will help the surviving pet(s), but some people claim that it does. Usually, all it accomplishes is to make the owner feel better. Therefore, if the owner wants to have the surviving pets "say good-bye," then it should be allowed.

HEALING

Given time, healing will occur for the bereaved owner. However, there are several things that the grief-stricken owner can do to help speed up the healing process:

1. Give yourself permission to grieve. - only YOU know what your pet meant to you.

2. Memorialize your pet. - makes the loss real and helps with closure. - allows the bereaved to express their feelings, pay tribute and reflect. - draws in social support.

3. Get lots of rest, good nutrition and exercise.

4. Surround yourself with people who understand your loss. - let others care for you. - take advantage of support groups for bereaved pet owners.

5. Learn all you can about the grief process. - helps owners realize that what they are experiencing is normal.

6. Accept the feelings that come with grief. - talk, write, sing, or draw.

7. Indulge yourself in small pleasures.

8. Be patient with yourself. -DON'T let society dictate how long mourning should last.

9. Give yourself permission to backslide. - it WILL end and your life WILL be normal again. - grief is like waves in the ocean: at first the waves come in fast and hard, but as time goes on, the waves become less intense and further apart. - don't be surprised if holidays, smells, sounds, or words trigger a relapse.

10. Don't be afraid to get help. - pet loss support groups - grief counselors.

11. Be sure to consult your own "Higher Power." - either religious or spiritual.

CONCLUSION

Grief is probably the most confusing, frustrating and emotional thing that a person can experience. It is even more so for pet owners. Society in general does not give bereaved pet owners "permission" to grieve openly. Consequently, pet owners often feel isolated and alone. Luckily, more and more resources are becoming available to help the bereaved pet owner realize that they are NOT alone and that what they are feeling is entirely normal.

References:

1.Lagoni, L., Butler, C. and Hetts, S: The Human-Animal Bond and Grief WB Saunders, Philadelphia 1994. Chapters 2 and 10.

2. Oblas-Walshaw, S: Consoling Bereaved Clients. Proceedings, 12th Annual Seminar for Veterinary Technicians, Western States Veterinary Conference, 1983

3. Malay, M: Grieving the Loss of Your Beloved Pet . Pamphlet distributed by Community Service Systems, Fairview, Pennsylvania

4. Guntzelman, J. and Riegger, M. : Supporting Clients Who are Grieving the Death of a Pet. Veterinary Medicine Jan 1993

5. Hetts,S et all: Do Animals Grieve? Loss and the Companion Animal. Perspectives Nov/Dec. 1994